There is no end to a search

She woke up with a sigh. She had wished last night to not be able to see the sun again, she wished for a miracle that could take the little pinch of life in her away, instantly. She wouldn't take the leap. She knew her worth. She saw the crack of dawn through her window and wondered what beauty did people derived from it. She knew comfort in a coarse black night only lit up by a tinge of the reticent moon. But she sensed that morning was to be different. So she climbed out of her bed, warmed by her own heat, sat down by the window and tried to be enthralled by the facade scarlet sky.

"You're up so soon. I thought i'd make you breakfast today." he said.

His little gestures no more made her feel better. He came closer and kissed her on the forehead. Three years ago that kiss would have been a catalyst in flooding her veins with adrenaline. She had eventually learned to grow insensitive towards it, yet, she smiled back. This was a new feeling, the feeling of not being able to feel, of being emotion less. With Atul and Saurabh, and even Vivaan for that matter, emotions kept driving her till they finally choked her.

She believed this was not a repetition of any of the times in the past, until 2 weeks ago. She didn't know whether to be thankful or curse the receptionist who allowed her inside his office that day.

"No ma'am, sir has strictly prohibited anyone around here." 

"Don't worry, I'll do him no harm. His 'everybody' does not include me. So sit back." She had said.

The sight of him fiddling with the hair on an unfamiliar face on his lap was devastating. It showed he cared. The way he looked at her, the way the two laughed together. How could she stop herself from peeping into his phone that night? 

When will we live together? 

Soon! I will soon tell Sophiya that its over between us. And that I'm in love with you, my Ashima!

She did not have the strength to take another rejection. How many times could a person stand up after being pushed from the same cliff time and again? But two people couldn't travel together if one had to drag the other when he had chosen a different direction. This time though, she didn't want to be the one left alone, picking up the straggled pieces of herself, getting ready for yet another journey.

She had made up her mind the same day. It only took time to gather courage to execute it. She was going to be distanced from her only living support forever and it can never be easy. But now she had packed bags and left her key at the table.

"Come, sit beside me." She told him. He followed. She smiled at him again and gave him one last peck. "You know, I wont miss you. More because I know I have to move on, till I find my soulmate. There has to be someone somewhere and I won't give in."

He looked confused. Amidst his own fantasies he had failed to read her thoughts. She took out the gun from the case hid behind the curtains. Without a second thought, pointed the gun at him and before he could realise what was happening she shot him dead.

She still felt nothing. She had probably gotten immune to rejections, this time by her own conscience.