Saturday 31 May 2014

How I battled depression.

While going through my drafts I found this post and I really wanted to share it with you people. I completed it and tada-daa, here's how I fought depression. 

NOTE: That's not really how I fought depression. More like how I will fight depression when I get depressed. That's really why I had saved the post in my drafts, but I can't wait to get depressed to post this now.

So i was sad. Very sad. I sat at the window in my room for minutes (hours is too long for me to sit idle at one place, even in depression). Observing people, cursing the happy faces. 

Every morning I woke up and wished myself a sad morning. Every night was a sad night. 

I got immune to this feeling. I was happily sad until someone asked me- Why are you sad. Now this depressed me! It's depressing to feel sad for no reason. People generally have a justifiable reason to be sad, but not me. This became a good enough reason, but not for long. 

I couldn't find solace in anything. Mummy ordered Pizzas! Nah. I topped the class test! Nah. My favorite writer wrote back to me! Nah. I kept crying and cried myself to sleep every night. Only for the sake of crying. I even updated my Whatsapp status to "I am sad". How sadder can it get?!

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I acted like the protagonist in sad movies. 

"Oh God, why me? Why did you do this to me??"

But it didn't quite fit well if there was no actual reason of the protagonist's sadness. 
To top it, the maid saw me acting and chuckled. I know she will go and tell the neighbors. Crap!

I played loud sad songs on my speakers. Well then brother came in and took away the speakers. This could be the reason! 
"I'm sad because I wasn't allowed to play loud, ear-wrecking, sad songs for no reason".

I could do better!

When I didn't find a reason for this feeling, I grew tired of it. I wanted to be happy now.

I tried to get myself out of being sad. 
"Hey you. You should not be sad."

That didn't help. 
I tried to feel shame as a sort of motivation.
"You are depressed? Do you even know what that is? Do you know how it feels when you don't have food to eat after a tiring day of manual work? Or when your boss sexually exploits you? The worst thing that happened to you is the Pizza bar was closed."

"Did you dream on becoming a sad person when you grew up? Well you're doing a pretty good job babyy."

This only gave me a feeling of self hatred and I was still sad.
I reverted to abusing.

"Hey you freaking ugly lobster out there. STOP CRYING FOR NO REASON. Who even does that?

"I hate you for ruining my limited days of survival!" 

"You're so chubby and you could never get a hubby! So better stop crying"

Nothing could help. I guess they'll call me 'the depressed soul' when I die. I kept sinking in my own unknown sorrows until I felt like a machine.

Friends and Family started helping. 
"Go out with people. You'll feel better." Or end up making them sad as well? No thank you.
"Let's go to the water-park you water baby!"  I'm depressed, I'm not a kid, you buffoon. 
"I baked cake for you. See."  I could go to a cake shop to see. Can i eat now?

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None of these was the solution to my undiscovered problem. I felt stupid. Dull. Goofy.

I had to get out of this depressing feeling anyhow! That's when I decided I would force myself to laugh at everything. At first I thought it wasn't going to work after all but well, nothing else did too.

Brother came up singing to himself- "So it's a bitter sweet symphony this liiiiiiiiiiiiife".
I burst out laughing through his weird looks. 

Friend called- "Do you have the constitution notes ma'am gave?"
I laughed again and through the phone I could almost see his him squinting.

On my way to college I saw a person driving and I laughed at him too. Thank God I was driving faster.

In college, someone started to speak- " I don't know why..." I interrupted by laughing. Even I didn't know why. 


2 days went by this way. By the third, people were so tired of me that they forced a laugh when they looked at me before I could laugh. I found that funny. RANDOM PEOPLE FORCING LAUGHTER IS THE FUNNIEST THING IN THE WORLD! 

The element of laughter had allowed the laughter to circle back on itself! You go girl!


  1. I can identify with the well written posts expressing the emotions so well. I've been through this sad phase of life and now I'm sure happiness and laugh will get me out whenever I'm in the dumps!
    It touched the heart, Soumya:)

  2. Laughing is indeed the best therapy. I'm happy you could connect with the post and it touched your heart. That was the purpose! Thank you so much Vishal for that generous appreciation :)

  3. i really like your blog! the cloud pics and the poem by Late Maya Angelou!

    I agree, being with happy people is the best cure for depression!

  4. Thank you so much Ankita, I guess that's the most heart-felt comment I've received in a while! I'm going to sleep soundly tonight.

    Being with happy people assures only positivity around us and it always helps!


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